June 01, 2004

115 Allen St


Are you looking for "sleek and modern loft-style living on the trendy Lower East Side"? Then 115 Allen Street is just the place for you! Just take a look the Residences page, full of annoying rollovers and bizarre capitalisation (or maybe a Glazed Brick Fireplace is the trendy version of a glazed brick fireplace). It's illustrated with a "Kohler Purist Wading Basin Sink" – just the thing if your idea of the perfect sink is one which is only an inch deep! (Kohler calls it a lavatory, even more confusingly.) But don't worry, you can always admire the interesting verb usage: did you know that "each residence resonates the rich texture of the neighborhood in a private sancutary setting"?

It gets better, though: according to the Neighborhood page, "the Lower East Side will always be synonymous in the minds of most New Yorkers, as the very first “ethnic” capitol of the city." Gee, mom, do you think I could live in an "ethnic" capitol? Can I? Can I please? And do you think that I could have my sanctuary setting just steps away from Delancey Street, one of the noisiest trucking routes in all of Manhattan? Yes? Fantastic! I'm going to call Irene Lo at William B May immediately! Maybe that 2,610 square-foot penthouse is still available! Oh, what's that? It hasn't even been built yet? Never mind...

Posted by Felix at 10:44 PM GMT

That 'sink' looks like a place to wash fruits and vegetables.

Either that or a rodent wading pool.

Posted by: Alan Kellogg on June 2, 2004 12:51 AM

Wow. And who knew what us peons call a tub is actually a "bathing pool"?

Posted by: mcf on June 2, 2004 12:52 AM

btw, I've found out since posting this that the penthouse is listed at $2.85 million. For a place on what is probably the nastiest street corner in all of Manhattan; certainly in the top ten. I have a feeling they'll be lucky to get anywhere near that.

Posted by: Felix on June 2, 2004 04:42 AM

Meow - Perhaps we should call you Felix the Catty. If you'll retract those claws for a moment, I have to ask exactly what offends you so much. It's obvious they're trying to maximize whatever return they can get on this property and if that means gilding the lilly so to speak, well then consider it gilded.

As my girlfriend once pointed out to me, the problem is that the Lower East Side is almost all tenaments. Areas like Bed Stuy, Park Slope and Fort Greene were built for the middle or upper class and have or at one time had nice floorplans, but it's hard to find anything besides railroad flats and cramped streets down there.

Perhaps to preserve the character we should institute a hipster preserve to mark the achievements of late 90's inhabitants who in less than 10 years made landlords far wealthier than they dreamed possible. These gentle introspective courageus people who first settled in the waste land and made it habitable for those who have far more disposable income.


Posted by: Gherimiah on June 2, 2004 04:12 PM

Some friends just put this sink in their new house in Potomac, MD. It must've been the hottest thing at some fixture expo, like "looks like a bowl on a counter" sinks were a few years ago (*cough* Philippe Starck *cough*).

Anyway, I know it's yuppie-evil and all, but it actually worked quite well and was easy and pleasant to use.

Posted by: greg.org on June 3, 2004 03:55 AM

I looked at the picture of the building. Not knowing Manhattan at all (been there twice, touristed around and got out!) the building in the picture looks like the result of an architectural facelift gone awry. The building itself looks like an eyesore in the midst of a neighborhood that needs-some-tending-to...badly! Looks like this attempt at "bettering" the neighborhood will take a bit longer than some people thought.

Posted by: Luis on June 4, 2004 01:20 PM