February 04, 2005

Super Bowl Sunday Tit-off!


Can you believe it’s been a year since the oh-my-gosh-granny-don’t-look Nipple Fest? I won’t go into how incredibly disgusting I think freaking out over an exposed nipple during America’s most watched television broadcast (men violently bashing each other to bits) of the year since this guy pretty much sums up how I feel about it. Or why we seemed perfectly content with the (for all practical purposes) NAKED Victoria Secret models during prime time. Or “Sports” Illustrated swimsuit models nearly bearing all (her nipple is only slightly out of sight).

Instead, I believe we should focus on the positive; let's make Super Bowl Sunday about rejoicing The Nipple!!!

Ladies, don’t be shy. Sunday, I want you to feel the freedom of exposing one or both of them. (Janet, eat your heart out, babe!) Not only will you feel liberated in having aired them out, you will be doing women around the world, not to mention your future granddaughters a huge favor. A bonus benefit is the possibility you may actually get that couch potato of yours to promptly kick all his loser buddies after the game to give you a little sumpin sumpin. Or if they’d like to stay after the game, you might be able to get them to do some very needed chores around the house, like tearing out that tree that’s fallen over during the last ice storm.

Please, however, exercise some caution during this year’s Tit-Off. For example, take care to not allow them to get frost bitten (a warm pair of hands, not necessarily yours will suffice). In general, it is okay to operate machinery while freeing your nips but in the event you are accompanying a man who is operating dangerous machinery (such as a bus or beer cap remover), please use caution until it is safe again. I recommend turning around slightly until the activity is over and you are both out of harm’s way.

If you are one of those unfortunate women who tend to have natural fur around your nips, please operate machinery, such as a blender with extreme caution (we wouldn’t want you to get them caught in there!).

And men, to show your support, perhaps you could bake some gourmet breast cupcakes for the guys during the game. Or might I suggest giving that special someone something special?

Posted by Michelle at 09:47 PM GMT

I love titty frostbite. Mmm, sexy. Although I'm willing to admit that I might think otherwise were I the model in question.

Posted by: Felix on February 4, 2005 10:09 PM

I must be losing my sense of orientation. I can't tell whether this is a new Memefirst low, or a new Memefirst high. Yikes.

Posted by: Sterling on February 5, 2005 04:15 AM

You mean Jame's use of the word 'cunt' and chanting of 'iggles' aren't even in the running, Mr. Mac? Damn, you're too generous.

Posted by: michelle on February 5, 2005 07:27 AM

Tit-Off! I am so there! And Michelle... That's HOT!

Posted by: JH on February 5, 2005 11:12 AM

Michelle, I am with you on this important issue, and not just on Super Bowl Sundays.

Posted by: Jame on February 7, 2005 04:05 AM

No doubt you were all dissapointed as I that Sir Paul did not have any wardrobe malfunctions at tonight's big event.

bonus question - expats aside, who the hell watches that thing outside North America? The network's claim of billions of viewers around the world seems highly suspect to me.

bonus q #2 - will there be cupcake boobies at the wedding??

Posted by: bafc23 on February 7, 2005 04:33 AM

Bafc23 - I think the Superbowl has novelty lure for people outside North America. It is pretty spectacular in presentation - like chess played with armored gladiators. I don't care for football, but even I watch the Superbowl.

I was born the day after Superbowl Sunday many years ago - so the continuing iteration of Superbowl Roman numerals serves as a grim reminder of my own mortality.

Posted by: Sterling on February 7, 2005 07:21 AM

A lot of Brits I know are familiar with the Joe Montana years. The NFL managed to get prime-time slots for NFL games in the UK in the 1980s and 1990s, and it started to take off. But then the TV coverage stopped, and it's like no one there has heard of the New England Patriots.

Apparently it's still big in Germany, though. That's the one country where NFL Europe seems to do OK. And I think there's a pretty regular following in Canada.

Beyond that, it's expats or people who have some connection to the States, as you suggest. In Hong Kong, at least, the game is watched by Americans and Chinese who have worked or studied in the US.

That's about it - people are aware of it, but don't watch it. This is partly because of the time. It's hard to generate interest in a sport that 1. never gets local TV coverage and 2. if it did get coverage, would play on Monday morning at 7am. Only die-hard sports fans who don't have an attachment to the US are going to make the effort.

Football remains a purely American game. Basketball is widespread and the US is no longer the lone superpower. Baseball is played elsewhere, while MLB is full of foreign stars; hockey too.

But there are no foreigners playing in the NFL. And it's not an easy game to export: the rules are technical, the timing is very stop-start, the positions are specialized, and the equipment and complexity makes it hard to introduce to schools. So unless the NFL becomes more proactive about financing international leagues, I doubt it will ever really take off outside of the US.

Posted by: Jame on February 7, 2005 08:20 AM

American football (for the rest of the world, not soccer) is the most brutally violent and knucklehead team sport on the planet. This is, of course, the only reason why no one else plays this 'sport' but Americans!!! And why only Americans desire to watch it.

I know what you're thinking: Michelle is just some airhead chick who doesn't know a lick about sports/football to appreciate the 'sport' of the sport. Not true. Though I often feign ignorance on the subject of football, the truth is I can accurately call a first down within a few inches (even without the super-imposed lines) and appropriate flags on plays. My brothers are natural athletes who obtained college scholarships for their speed and agility. I sat through way too many games, cortisone injections (directly into the thigh until it hits the bone) and awful injuries, watching my brothers need a week (just in time for the next game) to just be able to not walk like an 80-year old man.

I hate the sport and am completely dismayed that my 10-year old nephew is playing and demonstrating a passion and natural talent (QB) for it, just like my brothers.

Am I disappointed there were no costume mishaps last night? I didn't watch the game at all but I did watch the halftime show. I must say, Sir Paul is a friggin' old bastard! Unlike many celebrity men of his age, he hasn't become more 'seasoned'; just pretty damn wrinkly! Get some new songs already!!!

Okay, I have some pics of my erotic results yesterday. Don't worry, they're done tastefully. I'll post them later.

Posted by: michelle on February 7, 2005 04:22 PM

Oh, Michelle, come now. Paul Mc's new songs are dreadful. The Frog song? Freedom? Absolutely atrocious. I, and the 20 or so at the largely Brit-populated Superbowl party I was at in NYC, were so grateful he stuck to the old ones.

As for the appeal of Am Football: it's the only major US sport that I, as a Brit, after 6 years in NYC, neither understand nor have much interest in. Sterling's chess analogy is spot on, but that makes it appeal even less. The superbowl is the only time I watch it. But the adverts, man, they really sucked donkey balls this year.

Posted by: Murray on February 7, 2005 05:25 PM

Ha! I didn't even know he had any new songs. I felt embarrassed for him though. But at least he's getting work.

I'm one of the few Americans who despises Zworykin's invention of the boob tube which is why I'm clueless when it comes to much of American pop culture, reality shows, sitcoms, advertisements, videos, current size of Britney's boobs, whatever.

Except for a few key players, most of the armored guys on the field require no skill whatsoever, just mere smashing power! The whole point of advancing across a field with a weirdly-shaped ball is ridiculous. Now real football (as in soccer) is the real deal. Each of those players must be hyperfit (with amazing, hard asses btw) and skilled. I could watch/play that game all day long.

Posted by: michelle on February 7, 2005 06:34 PM

Felix, speaking of titty frostbite. Check out this Italian ice climber here and here (sorry for the digression, Stefan, but at least it's not pornographic). I'd be more afraid of catching my nips on the end of those axes.

Reminds me of the time I was climbing on the beaches of Thailand (Railay Bay which survived the tsunamis just barely) and a nearby climber peeled off the wall. Climbing next to him, I only saw the blood gushing from his nipple (he had caught his nipple ring on a feature of the rock). Ouch! I started taping my belly button ring before climbing and snowboarding after that.

Posted by: michelle on February 7, 2005 06:59 PM

Jame, a slight correction - there are foriegn nationals playing in the NFL, at least one Maori and a few other Polynesians -that is to say, I'm pretty sure of it - I really don't follow the sport, but I'm up working in Montreal and a bunch of Yanks invited me out with them to watch, so what the hell - beer and companions beats another night in the hotel lounge alone.

Posted by: bafc23 on February 8, 2005 01:38 AM

OK...probably from US Pacific territories. About half the US rugby team is from American Samoa and Guam.

Posted by: Jame on February 8, 2005 02:37 AM

So, who won? And who else played?

Posted by: Stefan Geens on February 8, 2005 07:51 PM